


we don't have to pretend

by scorpiius



Series: albus & scorpius; fifth year [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Again I don't know why this is so soft, Best Friends, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Halloween, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Supportive Albus, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 22:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7910362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiius/pseuds/scorpiius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey, no," Albus began, tilting Scorpius' chin up so they were looking at each other again. "It's never too late to talk about her. If the feelings are still as raw as they were that day, which they clearly are, and you still both are grieving, then it isn't too late. It'll never be like that." He finished, leaning inwards towards Scorpius and, before either of them could really register what was going on, pressed their lips together. It was short, sweet and slightly too wet (in Scorpius' eyes anyway), but it happened.</p><p>"You just kissed me." Scorpius said, in a comment that was meant to remain internal, but of course it slipped out.</p><p>or the one where it's halloween, the two have a heart to heart and things yet again grow ever more serious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we don't have to pretend

**Author's Note:**

> I know I am dishing out part after part into this series but a) I've had so many saved for a while and b) I just have so many ideas for this wonderful pairing. thank you for all the love on the first two, it means a lot.  
> also- I really dipped into my standard writing style here. I love long description and paragraphs without dialogue. there's a lot of that in the first part here. just so you know :)  
> enjoy!
> 
> tumblr: scorpiusmlafoy

Halloween had always been unbearable for Scorpius. There were excessive amount of Weasleys' Wizards Wheezes products scattered all about the school, students throwing hexes and charms around to trick their friends or enemies and, as always, the Ghosts causing a riot by shutting open doors, tilting portraits on the wall and even knocking piles of books out from students arms. And, given his relatively low popularity level, Scorpius was always a target for certain tricks. In his first year he had tripped over an invisible rope on the way into his Potions classroom, not only making a fool of himself by stumbling face first onto the floor, but also by smashing vials of valuable ingredients. Third year had resulted in him becoming dreadfully sick after a so-called "friend" offered him a cupcake that was laced with the same ingredients used to create Puking Pastilles.

And it was because of this shaky past with Halloween that, for his fifth year, Scorpius decided to miss out on the feast. He wasn't deeply bothered about deciding that, the only part he would really miss was the exquisite food, but someone in his dormitory would bring up scraps. He just knew that had he gone down to partake he would fall victim to someone's trick, and he didn't feel emotionally prepared enough to deal with such humiliation. Once he told Albus earlier in the morning, he had tried to protest, but Scorpius wasn't dealing with any of it.

Albus had pouted, bottom lip pushed out and arms crossed over his chest as he stared over at Scorpius. "Seriously? Scorpius, it's the Halloween Feast. It's the meal of the year." He had whined, dragging out the 'us' in 'Scorpius' for an unnecessarily long time.

"I just don't want to deal with the tricks, Albus. You know it'll be coming. Ever since you and your family had that joint Howler from your parents forcing you to be friends, you've had other people. I still only have you. My school life is still mediocre." Scorpius went on to explain, moving over so he was sat on Albus' bed.

"Then I won't go either. I'll be bored without you."

"Albus, no you won't. I know you want to go, and I won't stop you from attending- what was the phrase you used? Right, the meal of the year," Scorpius continued, picking out a piece of dust from Albus' hair. "I will be fine here. Go see your family, think of your parents. I'll be here when you get back."

"I still feel bad. Is this because you think my family still don't like you?" Albus had pushed, looking wearingly at Scorpius.

"No, Albus. This is for me, okay?" Scorpius finished, gently patting Albus' thigh before pressing a kiss to his cheek. That was something they did nowadays, ever since the talk at the tea shop. There still weren't labels, Scorpius doubted there ever would be, but there were more touches, more fond looks and many more occasions where the word 'love' would fall in place in a sentence. There were boundaries they hadn't crossed, and they hadn't told anybody; they enjoyed being in their own little bubble too much to be disclosing this information to other people.

And that was how Scorpius had ended up where he was now, wrapped up in a blanket, sat in front of the fire, writing an essay not due for a week and a half. He was alone, everyone else downstairs at the feast. The fire cascaded warmth around the room, something Scorpius appreciated. Being in the dungeons, surrounded by lake water, the room could often get horribly cold. The green glow from the lanterns and the lack of curtains covering the windows made the common room appear prestigious and elegant, rather than cosy and homely; traits that Scorpius would've preferred for a room that was his home for more than half a year.

His home away from home. Or, his home away from the house that should be home, but hadn't really felt that way for a while. The mansion was big, too many rooms for what had been a family of three people. His room had been long and slightly narrow, a huge arched window directly in front of his bed that allowed elongated shadows to fall onto the wooden floor. The floors echoed, the walls creaked and there always seemed to be a presence of guilt and misery wafting between the rooms. Of course, his parents had attempted to make it homely, but it was an attempt that could be compared to using a single bandage to try and close incisions made using the Sectumsempra spell. His mum had strewn appliques on the walls, decorated the floors with colourful rugs and bought new furniture that would lighten up the place. Her lanterns would have patterns cut into the exterior so shadows of the shapes would dance across the walls, but it was never enough. Behind the mask of expensive décor and new furniture would always be the lingering scent of death.

A scent that only deepened when his mum died. Scorpius often found himself thinking about her on Halloween, given that it was the closest 'holiday' or 'occasion' to her death. In some ways he was glad he wasn't at the mansion for Halloween, because he knew he would find himself crawling into her bed and staring at the ceiling as he always did. He would take a book up there, light a candle and read as he sat where she lay. He would never illuminate his wand, it was something Astoria had never seen the point of. She'd always say "why boast about magic when Muggles have these wonderful inventions they use, and we use, almost everyday? It's such a softer glow than Lumos." But on the other hand, being away, being here was hard. He knew his dad would be at work, or at the house, doing the exact same thing. They'd never really spoken properly about what had happened. There were occasional tears, short sentences and evenings spent looking through photo albums, but Scorpius and his father had never gone past that point.

There were some days Scorpius wished he had died instead of her, or with her. It wasn't fair, he thought, that someone like her had to go. He remembered her taking him to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters for his first ever time. He remembered how she felt as she hugged him, the warmth and love that radiated off her: how safe he felt. And then he remembered coming back for Christmas to just his dad being there. They didn't talk about it, he never got an explanation, he just went home and acted as though everything was okay. Scorpius would often think about the thousands of dimensions there were, and what the probability was that his mum was alive in any of them. He'd seen three: this present, the Dark world and the world without Rose and Hugo. And all three were empty, no Astoria Malfoy to radiate positivity. There were times he wished he could go back in time just to see her again, from a distance, hear her sonorous laugh and watch her emit happiness into the world around her. But playing with time is dangerous, Scorpius would remind himself, and he would go back to the repetitive circle of dreaming about her all over again.

Scorpius hadn't realised he was crying until there were small, damp stains on his parchment. There were tacky tear stains along his cheeks that were probably glistening from the light of the fire, but he didn't even have time to consider wiping them away as he felt someone sit down behind him. He knew immediately from the scent and the concerned aura in the room who it was, which is why he didn't flinch or shuffle away when he found himself being pulled back into someone's chest, another pair of legs laying parallel to his own. Arms wrapped around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder; and it didn't take long for Scorpius to settle back into the warm, comforting chest of Albus.

"I knew I shouldn't have left you alone." Albus said quietly, peering over to the work that was scattered over the green rug.

"Don't be silly, I'm fine." Scorpius said, clearing his throat as he started to tug at the sleeves of his jumper.

"You're not fine, please don't lie to me," Albus said, planting a light kiss to the curve of Scorpius' neck. "You're thinking about her aren't you? You always get quiet around Halloween, distant, isolated. But I never think to question in case you don't want me pushing you."

"I never know what to say. I think about her every day to the point where I feel like I can't breathe, but I don't know how to put it into words. How do I say- oh, Albus, I'm thinking about my dead mother who is dead in all possible dimensions again, and I kind of want to go dive into the lake and hope the merpeople drag me to my death, in an eloquent way?" Scorpius asked, relaxing a little as he felt Albus gently rub along his hips.

"You don't have to be eloquent about this, though. Why would you ever have to be eloquent about this?" Albus asked, gently turning Scorpius around so they were facing each other, letting Scorpius cross his legs so he was comfortable before starting to brush away his tears.

"Because that's how I am. I speak, I articulate. I'm never broken to the point where I can't even use words to describe my pain." Scorpius whispered, looking down to avoid any eye contact with Albus. He knew he wasn't being judged, and that he could trust Albus, but he didn't want his best friend to see him like this.

"Nobody is expecting you to be able to talk about this easily, though. Excuse the moment of self revelling, but my dad is like this. He can talk about a lot of things, but when it comes to his parents, my grandparents, he crumbles. Words fail him. It's normal, Scorpius. Just as long as you can tell someone when it all gets too much." Albus said, linking both their hands together and settled them in Scorpius' lap.

Scorpius sighed, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. "It's all getting a bit too much." He admitted, softly brushing his finger across Albus' knuckles.

"Thank you," Albus said, chewing the inside of his cheek as he thought. "I know we never talked about this properly when it happened. I didn't know how to address the topic, you didn't know what to say. But we're fifteen now, we've seen things, heard things. I really feel like now is the time to talk about it."

"What do you want me to say? I hope you don't mind, but I really don't feel like delving into each individual detail about how she-"

"No, that's not it. I would never expect you to do that," Albus interrupted, gently nudging their noses together. "How is your dad?"

"He tries. He does try to understand what it's like, how it feels. The things we feel are different. He lost the love of his life, I lost a parent, a leader. But he hasn't lost his mum, my grandmother is still okay. I can see him try and understand. I walk in on him looking at a family portrait of him and his parents, and I know it's him trying to imagine how it would be like to watch his mother deteriorate before his very eyes. But you can't- you can't imagine that," Scorpius started, resting their foreheads together. "We'll sit at dinner and he will try and approach the topic. Her space at the table is always empty, one of her cloaks draped over the back. He will look at the seat and mention how she would enjoy the food. And I know- I know I should answer and say I miss her but I can't do it. And then he gets overcome by emotions and the conversation ends."

"But he tries, yeah? I know you two have never been as open as some other fathers and sons, but he does love you. You know, he took you into hiding to protect you, he threatened my dad to protect you. He's Draco Malfoy, he's never been good with emotions. He bottles it all up, puts pressure on himself and then struggles to control them when the feelings come out." Albus replied, a softness to his voice that made the words hardly audible. It was so intimate, and Scorpius was falling in love.

"A bit like me, then." Scorpius half joked.

"Yeah," Albus chuckled. "A bit like you."

"I wish I could talk to him about more things," Scorpius blurted out, tilting his head up so he was looking at Albus for the first time during their entire conversation. "He's my dad, I love him. I know he wants us to connect, and I know telling him things about myself would help that."

"Well, what sort of things?"

"This. I mean, you know- _us_. I don't know exactly what we are, but there's something, and it feels like something he should know. You're a big part of my life, and I want him to know that." Shrugged Scorpius, gently squeezing Albus' hands.

"Are we having that conversation, too? The what-are-we conversation?"

"Oh, no. And I don't really want to. I like where we are, and I like where we're going. The second we talk about it we just add pressure onto whatever relationship we have. Friendship or romantic. I think we both know what it is and what we want it to be, so let's not risk spoiling it by adding unnecessary complications." Scorpius said, shuffling around so he was, if possible, even closer to Albus.

"I agree, so that's good. I just wanted to ask," Albus said. "And so, Scorpius, what do you mean by tell him about _this_?"

"I don't think I want to drop on him that I might be a bit more than best friends with Harry Potters son," Scorpius started, pausing so he could smile and listen to the musical sound of Albus' laugh. "But I might try and talk to him about the issue of my sexuality. Hopefully after I tell him that he'll put two and two together and will realise what's going on."

"That sounds like a plan, Scorpius. And hopefully after you've opened up about this, your relationship might be stable enough to finally talk about your mother." Albus said, dotting a small kiss onto the tip of Scorpius' nose.

"You don't think it's too late to talk about her? It's been a couple of years." Scorpius pondered, looking back down into his lap.

"Hey, no," Albus began, tilting Scorpius' chin up so they were looking at each other again. "It's never too late to talk about her. If the feelings are still as raw as they were that day, which they clearly are, and you still both are grieving, then it isn't too late. It'll never be like that." He finished, leaning inwards towards Scorpius and, before either of them could really register what was going on, pressed their lips together. It was short, sweet and slightly too wet (in Scorpius' eyes anyway), but it happened.

"You just kissed me." Scorpius said, in a comment that was meant to remain internal, but of course it slipped out.

"I know," Albus replied, looking down to their joined hands. "I don't know why. I mean- I do, of course. You looked like you needed some love, and I love you, so I just thought, hey; why not show him that?" He said, not meaning for it to come out as a question, even though Scorpius felt the question wasn't directed at him.

"Why not show him that," Scorpius repeated, clearing his throat. "How was the feast?"

"It was okay, I suppose. The food was nice, it was boring without you, though. My family were annoyingly happy," Albus said, letting out a small laugh. "Anyway, they kept saying how good it was to have family time so I kept deliberately bringing up you. The look on Rose's face was priceless. After that everyone went to the courtyard for some kind of party. Not my ideal way to spend an evening, plus I missed you. So I came back. I brought back some sweets for you as well, and some pasties. I know you love your pumpkin pasties."

"Annoyingly happy because I wasn't there. Merlin, Christmas at yours is going to be fun isn't it?" Scorpius teased, quietly thanking Albus when he was handed the pasty, breaking it in half to make it easier to eat.

"Christmas at my house is always fun. You have us Potters, the Granger-Weasley family, the rest of the Weasley family, Teddy and now you. It'll be great though. I mean, first time spending more than a day together in a holiday. I'm excited." Albus smiled, his eyes positively glinting from the light of the fire.

"So am I. Beyond nervous as well. But what's the worst that can happen? Your mum likes me, so I'll have at least two people there who want to talk to me." Scorpius said, turning one of Albus' hands around and started to smooth his index finger along the lines on his palm.

"What about your dad? Where is he going to go?" Albus asked. "My mum wrote to me the other day and suggested that, if he wanted, your dad could come over for Christmas day so you can see each other for even just a short while. It can be before or after, or during, the family being there. She just doesn't want you to be apart."

"Your mum is a blessing to the world. You're extraordinarily lucky to have someone like her," Scorpius said, voice emitting slight jealously but mainly love and adoration. "But that would be nice. I'll write and ask him how he feels about that proposal. This is a moment for the history books, you know. A Potter-Granger-Weasley-Malfoy Christmas. Historians never would've predicted this." He laughed, pressing a kiss to Albus' cheek.

"Ground breaking, right?"

"Completely," Said Scorpius, finally letting go of Albus' hands completely. "I think I'm calling it a night. It's been a long day."

"Will you be okay? I know you get, like, nightmares sometimes around this time." Albus said, leaning around Scorpius to help put all of his papers back together again as well as helping him stand up after.

"What are you suggesting, Albus Potter? You have a weird look in your eyes." Scorpius murmured nervously, taking the papers from Albus and draped his blanket back around his shoulders.

"I'm suggesting that maybe it'll be better if I stay in your bed until you fall asleep. So you know I'm there. For comfort and all. A bit like having a blanket, except I'm cuddlier." Grinned Albus, taking Scorpius' hand back in his again as they walked down towards the dormitory, taking a few moments to change into cosier clothes, shut the curtains and put all of Scorpius' immense school work away.

"That sounds nice. It's kind of chilly, so having somewhere there should be comforting," Scorpius finally said, drawing his covers back before getting into the bed, holding the sheets up so Albus could slip under as well. "Cosy, I love it."

"I love you." Albus replied, simple as that. While Scorpius was registering that, Albus had wrapped his arms around his torso, pulling them so close together Scorpius could smell remnants of pumpkin and cinnamon on Albus' breath.

"That's sweet. Sorry, I- I'm awkward with this stuff. Still not used to all the love." Scorpius nervously chuckled, resting his head on Albus' chest as he settled.

"Don't apologise. You may not be ready to say it back so easily, but that doesn't mean I'll stop reminding you. Hopefully one day you'll become familiar with the love, because it'll never stop from me," Albus said, brushing back Scorpius' hair so he could kiss his forehead. "Sleep well. I'm here for you." He finished, getting too relaxed with the feeling of Scorpius beside him and the sound of the lake water lapping against the walls outside that when Scorpius had fallen asleep, Albus never moved a muscle; he was asleep as well.


End file.
